its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
