yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
