I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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