All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
