Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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