I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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