Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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