so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize