i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
