fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
