I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
