the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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