Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
one might say we're banned from that church
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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