the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
