He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
