Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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