Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
