Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
