He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
