He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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