Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
