I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
