and you said cock pushups were impossible
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
