ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
