Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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