well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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