Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
