i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
