happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize