My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
