Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
