it wasn't lemon gatorade
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
