The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
