There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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