He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
