Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
