We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
