oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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