guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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