the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
