apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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