the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
