I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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