Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
