the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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