nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize