Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
