even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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