lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
