I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
