I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
