I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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