The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
