you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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