oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
