i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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