Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
