textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
