dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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