apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
