I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
