i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
NoShamevember. You game?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
