You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
two words: eviction party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
