What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
