We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
