What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
