Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
