I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
