where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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