I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize