you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
