Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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