In the future we'll all be gay
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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