i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
