I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
