I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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