Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
