watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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