ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pants are for mortals
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
